Itty-Bitty-Shitty Committee: When our inner voice gets the best of us!
We all have that internal voice that questions our value or contribution. My partner and I call that voice the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee. That's the voice that tells us:
My organization is trying to get rid of me
My manager is intentionally limiting my work or contribution
I'm being marginalized or excluded from desirable work assignments
My introverted tendencies aren't valued as much as neurotypical and extroverted skill sets
I'm getting a negative vibe in my work environment
Let's address each of these stories we tell ourselves.
The organization is trying to get rid of me
When this comes up for coaching clients, I ask, "What evidence is making you draw this conclusion?" In a recent client scenario, the employee had received a raise and positive performance review. Her previous supervisor had taken her to lunch to discuss her career goals. She was asked to be the face of the organization by giving a presentation to current and potential clients. In other words, we can tell her inner critic or '“Itty Bitty Shitty Committee" that their concerns are unfounded because the evidence points to management's satisfaction with her performance.
My manager is intentionally limiting my work or contribution / I'm being marginalized or excluded from desirable work assignments
This becomes especially troubling when your workload becomes light. Or maybe a coworker is complimented in front of you or receives work you'd hope to get. Our Itty Bitty Shitty Committee (IBSC) is quick to inform us that we are not measuring up. And, let's face it, it is nerve-racking when there are fewer project assignments to go around. Throw in our scarcity mentality, and our IBCS's observations of what it sees as our shortcomings and unworthiness. At this point, we are feeling quite poorly about ourselves.
Again, reflect on the evidence. What has your manager said about your actual performance or contribution on past and current projects? Are you getting decent or poor reviews? Is your manager suddenly monitoring your work more closely? Does management trust you to do the work? If you are having difficulty determining what is fact and what is your IBSC, a mentor, more seasoned peer, or career coach can help with verifying what the facts are and assist with adjusting your perspective if warranted.
My introverted tendencies aren't valued as much as the extroverted, neurotypical skill sets at my workplace
Are you asked to participate in networking activities like happy hours or parties, which many neurodivergent (and introverted) professionals find exhausting and of little value? In a recent coaching session, a client shared that they were asked to participate in a networking luncheon. In this scenario, my client was not asked to do this task because their manager had thoughtfully considered a way for my client to accomplish their acquisition goal in a meaningful way, but instead because it was an easy answer to "we all need to bring in additional business." In our session, we determined there were better ways to accomplish this goal, given my client's skills sets and preferences.
It is easy to feel excluded and isolated when irrelevant chatting about the weather is not your favorite way to spend a few hours. The small talk can feel superfluous and irrelevant to the organization's goals. Oh, how I hate team-building exercises, as an introvert myself! These events tend to give extroverts an opportunity to showcase their gregariousness. My IBSC can certainly work overtime in these moments!
When you look at the landscape of the office, do the extroverted or neurotypical folks get the promotions and better assignments? Again, what is the evidence? Are you receiving strong reviews and good coaching from your supervisor? Do your assignments play to YOUR strengths? A strong supervisor will play to each team member's strengths and challenges. When I am concerned, I ask myself: "Would I like to be doing the work "they" are doing? Usually, the answer is no. For example, I do NOT want to host that happy hour. I'd rather work one-on-one with someone, write up an excellent proposal, or do anything that includes deeper analysis.
I'm getting a negative vibe from the work environment
Don't get me wrong here. Sometimes, you are absolutely reading the room correctly. Your company may be ableist and not appreciating your value. Because our neurotypical society tends to want us all to move in the same direction at the same time, without our creative approaches, you may find that your current organization is not a good match for you.
However, there are SO MANY reasons you may be feeling this way that have nothing to do with evidence. Are you burned out or overwhelmed at work or in life in general? Are a lacking a mentor or close peer you can trust to help you validate or invalidate your perspective? Are outside forces affecting your work perspective? Are you healthy, getting rest, exercising...is your lack of self care affecting your work? You may find it highly valuable to consider whether your Itty Bitty Shitty Committee is getting the best of you or if you are assessing the situation correctly.
The best way to determine whether your workplace is right for you and meeting your needs is to spend some time evaluating the facts. I strongly suggest you make a goal to build a team of supporters. They can help you determine whether you are having an insecure moment based on past traumatic experiences OR that your organization is not a good fit for your strengths, abilities, and personality. Building a network of folks you trust can create a lot of joy in your life AND help you better assess these situations. What are some examples of folks to be on your support team? Do you have a professor or instructor from college? A childhood friend who knows your strengths and insecurities? Previous supervisors and peers can be included in your network. Consider whether there is a potential mentor at your organization or within your area of interest. My partner build her team of support from LinkedIn, identifying peers she meets with on a regular basis to discuss work situations. Many professionals also find it valuable to spend time with a career coach to discuss employment challenges. Time and time again, clients tell me that scheduling a weekly or monthly meeting to focus on their career goals and experiences can make a world of difference in their success and comfort level. If you are interested in seeing if I can be of service to you, you can schedule a free, short consultation here. I offer support to private pay clients all over North America, Self Determination clients in California, and Vocational Rehabilitation clients in Colorado.